My
story may help you to get some background from where I am coming from. First, I was in the Jesus Movement in the 70's. That's where I came to know Jesus as my Savior. Went to a conservative Baptist church and a Free Methodist University and then have been at an Evangelical Free Church for the past 38 years or so.
Early in 2011, I began to get spiritually antsy. Here is my journey that year. Since that time, I'm still running!!!!
March 2011 - I didn’t know why I was so antsy. I couldn’t keep
still. I had to pace. I had to think. What was it I wanted?
What was it I needed? I’m HUNGRY!
What to do. What to do?
April 2011 – It’s getting more intense. I wanted more. Okay. I
want more of what? Well…better yet…’Who’? I felt like I was empty
inside. Spiritually empty inside. I wanted filled up. I
wanted a gushing fire hose. The more I read the scriptures, the more I
wanted- more. I felt like I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to
know. I wanted to know MORE. No…I WANTED MORE of Him.
May 2011 - I kept having dreams. I couldn’t sleep. I just tossed and turned. Nothing was making any sense to me any longer. My own viewpoint of who God was – was changing. Who is this God I want and serve? Who am I in the Kingdom of God? Where do I belong? I just kept asking questions. I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE.
“You’re being promoted”. Promoted. Okay. A promotion from what to what? “From a Watchman to a Gate Keeper?” A what to a what? (very puzzled face) What in the world is a “Gatekeeper”? Really? Please explain. “A Gatekeeper is exactly that, a person in charge of keeping the gate(s). Keeping things/people out that should not be there. You’ve been an intercessor Watchman on the wall, now you are called to be down where the action is.”
Okay…my life has just changed. Big time.
June 2011 – Play Rehearsals. I’m dealing with certain spirits that I don’t particularly like. So, I put up “gates” around the church, so I can have quiet and peaceful rehearsals. (Gates really are what most people pray a “hedge of protection”, and really its angels. I give them assignments for each gate where they are to protect. What is allowed in and not. (I’m really sure what I’m doing, but I’m doing it and it seems to work!)
July 2011 – I’m asking and seeking more answers. In the meantime, I’m experiencing more of who God is; more of His leading. Beginning to learn more about who the Holy Spirit is and what His role is in my life.
August 2011 – Day of a performance and someone tried to break in through a window. Where the cracked window was there was a BAD spirit hanging around. You could feel it. Interesting, though, it couldn’t get through. (I had placed a gate.) Called for some help and guidance regarding the spirit. Received it and learned from it.
September 2011 – Met a fellow ‘Gate Keeper’. Interesting. Fun. Nice to know another person ‘like’ me. Don’t feel so out-of-place. Also, learning that this is my season to kind of “sit back, listen and learn”.
October 2011 – Dreams. Good grief. Learn. Groups of people. I’m in a small group of people I know. We are all learning. Then there is a larger group. I’m being pushed by these people in the smaller group into the larger group. But, I’m the leader of that larger group. I am daunted by this dream. I still am daunted by this dream.
All of this began 8 months ago. It’s like birthing a baby!!! I just realized that! Good grief. This baby, however, is not sure if she is ready to be birthed. Daunted? YES!!! However, I am also realizing that in the Kingdom of God, He is the one who moves His children to prepare for things to come. He wants me to be ready. Not sure ready for what, but as I go along on this particular journey, I am at peace. PEACE. His perfect peace. Shalom. I have found that sitting in Papa’s lap is rather nice. I am also discovering what it is really like to be filled/lead/controlled by Holy Spirit. It is “Act in Faith”. It is a conscious movement and determination on my part, to allow Holy Spirit to take control, lead me and fill me. I am in no way perfect. FAR FROM IT! I am however, beginning to sense that in order for me to be more intimate with God/Papa, I have to relinquish my control. Relinquish my selfishness, my pride. It is a two way street. I have to also, well, be quiet and listen.
Here it is…almost the end of
October. Wow, I can’t wait for November and December. Once the baby is
birthed, then comes the next season of learning. What I do know right
now, however, is that Holy Spirit is guiding me and counseling me along the
way. Goodness, between the Bible and Holy Spirit guiding me…I am content.
Still a little puzzled, a little overwhelmed, but content – and rather
excited.
