Where Did You Go?

Over the last couple of years, I have been asking Papa God how Philip got “snatched” up by the Spirit of the Lord and carried away to the city of Ashdod. This is recounted in Acts 8:39:

 “When they came up out of the water, Philip was suddenly snatched up by the Spirit of the Lord and instantly carried away to the city of Ashdod where he reappeared, preaching the gospel in that city. The man never saw Philip again. He returned to Ethiopia full of great joy. Philip, however, traveled on to all of the towns of that region, bringing them the good news, until he arrived a Caesarea.”

Isn’t that interesting! Philip had just been explaining a portion of scripture from the Book of Isaiah to the Ethiopian. Holy Spirit had said to Philip, “Go and walk alongside the chariot.” So, Philip caught up and walked alongside. He then casually asked the Ethiopian man if he understood what he had been reading.  The man responded that he could not unless someone explained it to him. Philip was then invited up into the chariot to explain about the “lamb that was offered”, which of course was Jesus.

At that point, the Ethiopian man wanted to be baptized immediately. He suggested a pool of water that was present. He stopped the chariot. They went down and Philip baptized him. Here is where it gets interesting.

“When they came up out of the water, Philip was suddenly snatched up by the Spirit of the Lord and instantly carried away to the city of Ashdod, where he reappeared, preaching the gospel in that city.”

After that he continued telling people about Jesus.

Now, because I am such a curious person, I have wondered how that happened.  No pat answers for this girl. I do see a pattern. Someone had a need.  The Ethiopian man was probably wishing he had someone to explain that passage in Isaiah. Probably he was scratching his head because he was so flummoxed. I think I would have been as well!

I also, see that Philip was available. So the Holy Spirit gave him the go-ahead that led into the conversation.

I see the response of the Ethiopian man.  He saw the truth because he was digging for the answer. Thus, he was ripe for Holy Spirit’s revelation to his spirit.

I see the response for baptism. The desire the Ethiopian man had to be counted as a believer and follower of the Anointed One. And Philip’s obedience to baptize him.

Once all of that was finished. The immediate need was completed. Philip was released and then taken to a totally different city in the region via the spirit transporting him.

I have known that my spirit man travels all the time, especially when I am sleeping. I give my spirit man permission to learn from the Seven Spirits of God and to be available for whatever the need may be that Jesus would want me to do for the Kingdom.  I tell my soul to rest but be receptive to what my spirit man is doing. I tell my body to sleep and be restored.

I have done this for at least two full years fairly consistently.  In doing so, my spirit man has gone and done a lot of different things in many different places. I remember waking up, after about a week of doing this, thinking I had dreamt of being somewhere in a jungle. I was helping someone find their way back to a village because they were being hunted down for some reason. I just knew I had to help them get to the village.  Of course, I have no idea where this village is, nor did I speak their language, but we communicated.  I remember tripping on a branch or vine of some sort and falling. I hurt my knee, but we kept forging through the forest area.  Once I got her to the village, I left.

What a fantastical dream I thought.  Then I got out of bed. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth then take a shower. My knee hurt. I didn’t think much of it until I was in the shower and the hot water got on it.  Ouch!  I looked down and I had a scraped knee!  I stood there in the shower for a good 5 minutes wondering how I got that scraped knee.  Then it occurred to me that in my dream I had tripped and fell and scraped my knee.  What the…? Oh My Gosh!  I went somewhere. I never noticed what I was wearing in my “dream”. I just knew I was there to help someone.  

So, whether you believe it or not, it doesn’t matter. I was available. There was a need. I helped out. When the task was completed, I left.  Just like Philip.

A most recent experience was about a week ago, only this time it was different.  I got up on Sunday morning and got ready for church service. Jim got ready and then he said the strangest thing: “Where were you last night? You weren’t in bed. Your side was like all made.” I looked at him and said, “I was sound asleep next to you until I woke up this morning.” “No, you weren’t”. I checked. You weren’t in the apartment.”

My head spun. I knew that I had gone to bed. I did my nighttime declarations. I fell asleep and awoke in the morning.  I  realized that my sleep seemed really deep and I was feeling pretty fresh.  But I didn’t have any recollection of going anywhere or doing anything. Apparently, my whole person went somewhere. (No, I don’t sleepwalk.)  I have been asking Papa what went on but I have not received any answer. I just trust He will tell me if I need to know.

Why am I sharing this?  Mostly because people need to know this is happening and not to be scared of it. The deeper I delve into my relationship with Jesus I believe the more “off the grid” stuff is going to happen. Am I ready for it?  I think I am. So where to next, Papa?

My Journey Going Deeper

When I began "my journey off the tracks" from religion, I could not imagine what that would look like.  A person prepares for a journey. You make a list and check it twice just so you don’t forget something.  Especially, when taking a long journey to an unknown place, you what to be prepared, right?  Well, let me just say that preparing for a deeper relationship with the Creator is not your normal journey!

In May of 2017, I wrote in my journal:

“Up until now, I never realized that my spirit has been so far ahead of my soul. My soul is not sure what to make of the “stuff” I am experiencing in the spirit realm. New ideas and far out there off the grid “stuff”. I’ve been “off the grid” for a while but never thought that my dear soul was having such issues.

 Working through my spirit, soul, and body gateways, while mentoring/teaching is also a journey. It is not just a process.  I think that’s one thing I am learning. It’s all a journey. There are processes along the way to help us along.

Transformation is hard. Why? Well, you have to go through ALL the baggage you have carried your whole life and take care of it. This means letting go of:

Bitterness and forgiving. Looking at circumstances or situations where I have said yes to the enemy and no to God. Own it and then allow Papa God to restore. Yes, some of that is what people call “soul issues” but it is because I allowed the soul to be in charge and not my spirit-man.

I’m also learning to “Bless my Spirit” to be who she should be. To remember her identity and purpose for being here. If my spirit-man is working fully then m soul can be at rest. There is no striving, just being. And that makes sense since we are “Human-Beings and not Human-Doings”. If you’d like some help with this, I suggest reading Sylvia Gunter & Arthur Burk’s book “Blessing your Spirit”. You can find it on Amazon.

There is also seeing and acknowledging where I have traded with the enemy.  This has been difficult because of some of the “tendencies” are generational. So, that means working closely with Papa God and working through that. Papa shows me where the trade happened, with whom and what was traded. Now, this can be an eye-opener. Though ugly at times, it is definitely freeing.

Where to start? Well, the easiest and yet most difficult is at the beginning of my life. Yup, all the way back to my conception.

You see, I am adopted.  From what I have gathered without any DNA testing, my birth mother got pregnant out of wedlock either in her late teens or early 20’s in the mid-1950s. That was totally taboo being single and pregnant. So, typically, the person would either adopt out or have an abortion (which was illegal then and not safe at all). I don’t know if she consented or not. But I have the sense she was “in love”. However, the realization of being with child was scary for her. She had to give me up.

This of course, leaves me with questions. Where is she? Who is she?  Who is my birth father? Did he know about me? Are these people still living or are they dead now?

What did my birth parents enjoy doing? Did they sing? Were they artistic in any way? I want to know where I got my artistic abilities. Did God just give them to me, or did I inherit them? Questions… I have had them for a very long time but never had the impetus to find out. I am curious though.  I have always been a curious person.

My Mom and Dad told me at a very early age that “I was chosen” for them. They chose me to be their daughter. They loved me unconditionally, even when I failed to meet their expectations. They treated me with love and discipline so that I would grow up and mature as an adult. I think they did a very good job.

I have a greater sense that God placed me with them specifically. These two individuals had so much love for each other and me and my three sisters who were also adopted.  Together Mom and Dad reflected God’s loving image to me. I miss them very much.

So, my transformation process/journey has also been sweet. It’s going back and seeing those beautiful moments of growth over the years. The remembrance of the little things that actually have made a huge difference in where I am today.”

I encourage anyone reading this, to step before the Father and ask him to begin the transformation process in your life.  Like I said, it is not easy and at times ugly, but the healing that comes from that process makes the journey even sweeter as you step more into the deep with God.

Fully Surrendered

LORD,

I place before you just myself.

I seek to see you only.

Others around me are suffering.

Is there nothing I can do?

Daughter, there is.

Continue to stay in my Presence.

You may bring others to my throne.

Yet, don't hold tightly to things around

They are easily lost.

LORD,

I would ask for angelic help

Go fight the battle that is waging.

To protect those that are in harm's way

And stop the enemy's pillaging.

Daughter, you know I will do this.

Others only need to ask me.

To rise up and be my sons and daughters

With the authority, I have already given.

LORD,

I stand right now as your daughter.

My crown upon my head and scepter in hand.

To the raging wars I speak and declare: 

Remember who created you and for what purpose.

Peace Be Still!

"Daughter", said He and smiled,

You are my warrior child. 

It is time to rest.

Now, sit and feast, yes, before the enemy.

It makes him mad, but nothing he can do.

You are in my place, with me. 

Fully loved.

Song of the Bride

I have somewhat recently purchased The Passion Translation Bible (PTB).  It is a new translation that is to “reintroduce the passion and fire of the Bible to the English reader. It doesn’t merely convey the literal meaning of words. It expresses God’s passion for people and his world by translating the original, life-changing message of God’s Word for the modern reader."  I thought that it would be good to read another more “modern” translation just because.

Well, when I received PTB, I knew it didn’t have the complete Bible, but it did include Psalms, Proverbs, and the Song of Songs from the Old Testament and the complete New Testament.  So, I was perusing through, the Song of Songs caught my attention.  Literally, the title was lite up.  I thought that was interesting, so I asked Papa God what that meant.  Of course, He gave me a “read it and find out”.

Understand that I am a theater person as my background.  When I read anything, I read for the story first, then I go back and read for characters, their background and such.  So, that’s how I read the Bible.  Usually, during those readings are when Holy Spirit will highlight things to me. Whether they are concepts or just the “what is happening here” and I research it.

I have read the Song of Songs only once before. That was in the King James Version when I was a very new believer and I didn’t like it at all.  In fact, it repulsed me, to be honest. I had no understanding of that kind of intimacy and I was only 17.  So, I never went back to it, until I got the PTB.

I asked Papa what I should be looking for and I heard nothing. So, my prayer was “Holy Spirit, help me read through this story with a new heart and new understanding. I then commenced reading.

The Song of Songs has 8 chapters. Within these 8 chapters is the heart of the King toward his Bride. How much he loves his bride. It also shows the struggle of the Bride, even though she loves the King, she struggles. By the time I finished reading the whole book in one sitting, I was in tears. Yes, I cried. I cried because the King LOVES ME.  He loves his Bride beyond anything we can even imagine. He loves us as a groom loves his bride.

So, my reaction rather surprised me. I went before Papa and thanked him for loving me as I am. I hadn’t realized how much the intimacy in my relationship with him was so overwhelming. I know that when I was younger, intimacy meant sex. But, after being married for going on 34 years, intimacy is not only sex but an opening up of feelings, dreams, a friendship that goes beyond a friendship-love or even a lover-love.

I sat in my chair for quite awhile just ruminating over what I had just read. Then, I hear Holy Spirit whisper, “It’s a play. It needs to be performed.”

My reaction, “What!?  I can’t write a play, especially The Song of Songs.  Are you kidding me?”

He whispered again. “Read it again as a play. Then make your determination.”

So, I read it again.  And when I did, I saw an 8 scene play along with the characters and how it could be set. It came to life in my head!  As I read, I saw it played out. Lights. Sound. Costumes. I saw the whole shebang.

So, I am in process of adapting the Song of Songs into a play format. More like reader’s theater than a full-blown show, but still effective non-the-less.  This is a collaborative journey with Papa. I go into my rehearsal hall in heaven and work through scenes and sometimes look at lighting and costumes.  It’s a blast!  Papa allowing me to be creative in a very different way and it is more satisfying than anything I’ve done in the past.

I heard a song by Paul Wilbur called “The Song of the Beautiful Bride”. 

This is the story of Song of Songs.  I again wept with joy and love for my King.

Song of the Beautiful Bride

I AM

For some reason, this past year has been a struggle inside myself. Not sure exactly why, but old “stuff” began to surface and I had to deal with that “stuff”.  One of the great ways to deal with difficult things and even situations is to remember WHO has my future and hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you", declares the Lord and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."  Jeremiah 29:11-14

My Papa God knows me so well. He knew me before Time was created. My spirit has been with Him before my human mind even knew who He was. This makes me pause, because I feel wonderstruck. I just want to sit and be in His presence; this allows the struggles to melt away.

He knows the struggles that I have. He also knows what is best for me and allows me to make decisions for myself.  Yes, there are consequences for whatever decisions I make – good or bad. That is His gift to me and He will never take that away from me. I just need to learn from mistakes and march forward.

One morning while praying, I heard in my spirit the Lord say this to me:

I know the struggles you have.

I am your righteousness.
I am with you always.

I am your defender.

I am your provider.

I am your banner.

I am your song.

I Am.

I am the strength for your weakness.
I am the source for your needs.
I am the fire in your heart.

I am the word of Life.

I Am.

I am Alpha and Omega.

I am the Creator.

I am Father of All.

I am Love.

I Am.

I am your Peace and Shalom.

I am your Life and Light.

I am your revelation.

I am your guard.

I Am.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.
I am the Resurrection and Life.

I am the Light of the world.
I am the Good Shepherd.
I am the Bread of Life.
I am the Gate.

I am the Vine.

I Am who I Am.

The Black Cloud – Part 2: The Set Up

This took place in 2016 during a Silent Prayer retreat. It was the most impactful experience in my life up to then. This is one year after my first encounter with the Black Cloud. 

Me:  Papa God, what’s on your heart today?

Papa: We haven’t talked like this for a long while. I’ve missed this with you.  I want you to know I am not mad or angry, just a little sad. I so enjoy when you and I sit and talk like this.  You give me joy. Did you know that I long for you?

Me: (I look deep into His eyes. I see only love for me.) Papa – forgive me for not allowing you to be number 1 all the time. (He smiles) Thank you for just loving me; just the way I am in all my foibles.

Papa: I love your foibles! (laughs) They are what make you who you are. You are discovering so much more about “you” in your journey, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I am! So many things to learn and know that I think I just shut down sometimes. So, when that happens I focus more on my busyness. Sorry. This is where I need to be on my seat of rest. I know that. Even my mind needs it and knows it. You whisper, “seat of rest” sometimes, don’t you? (I shake my head) I hear it but don’t heed it.  Then, I suffer for not going there.

Papa: Yes, and there is no need to suffer. Might I encourage you to every morning – Come up and sit with Me. Listen to what I am saying to you. I sometimes sing to you. (smiles) You seem to enjoy that.

Me:  Oh my yes!  Waking up with a song in my head – humming. I haven’t really done that in a very long while. Having you sing a melody; then me trying to figure out what that melody is – to what song and then the words – is quite a fun puzzle! The journey and then the discovery! Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with how much you love me.

Papa: I want to overwhelm you with my presence. My whole being loves you. Allow me to envelop you. Allow me to be more than a part of you. Come into Me. Stand with me as a daughter. (He pauses just for a brief moment.) It will take courage. Probably more courage than you’ve ever had before. It may seem like darkness at first, but I am there, once you step through that veiled darkness. I am there in the light waiting. Come. Please come.

(I remain quiet for a few moments, taking in all that He has just spoken.)

Me: Papa – this sounds an awful like “The Black Cloud” experience that Ian Clayton had. Is this what you are asking of me?

Papa:  Yes, daughter. It is time. Are you ready?

Me: (silent for a time. I really have to dig deep down into myself for this.)

        Yes, Papa – I am ready. If I die right here and now, I will be with you. My whole being will be with you. I want to know how to live in your Presence – fully.

Papa: So, let’s do this.  Come, daughter.  Come.

I am immediately in darkness. Swirling darkness that is all around me. It is disconcerting to my whole being. I’m not sure I want to go any farther. My mind wants to turn back. Yet, my spirit says, “no, continue forward”.

The swirling around me becomes very dense. I feel like I can’t breathe. Then, I feel heat. Yes, heat; like when you are near a huge bonfire. Get too close and you may catch fire. Yet, I feel that I need to move closer to that fire. It is beckoning to me to come closer. Inch by inch and step by step I keep moving forward. Then, I come to, what appeared like a wall of fire.  I panic.

Me: God how do I get past this!?

Papa: Walk straight through it.

Me: But PAPA!  It’s fire! It will burn me up.

Papa: I am with you.  Come.

The gentleness, yet firmness of His voice is calling to me. My spirit is jumping. My mind is racing. Do I go ahead? What if I get burned up? Well, then I will be with God forever. But, I already am. What will this do to me?

My spirit whispers, “Forward”.

God says, “Come”.

I hesitate for just a moment; just a heart check. I confess all that I can think of and repent. I stand under the Blood and mercy of Jesus.

Then…I step back. “I can’t do this!”, I argue.

But, my spirit firmly says, “Enter. Now.”

Again, I hear God’s familiar voice, “Come”.

I close my eyes. I take a very long deep breath. I take one step forward I really feel the heat from the fire now. He’s calling me into the fire!

Papa: Come. 

Me: Papa, it will burn me!

Papa: Come.

So, I take another step. At this point, I am now resolved to just go. No matter what happens. I take another step forward. Now, I feel the flames licking me. The thing is, I’m at peace. I take another step forward. I am now engulfed by the flames that surround me. I literally stand there in that fire. It is not consuming my body but consuming all the lies, all the misconceptions, all the religious teaching and burning them up. Layers upon layers all being consumed.  It is a refining fire. As I now continue to walk through this refining fire, I feel lighter. I feel freedom.

Then, all at once I am past the fire. I am standing stark naked in this place I am in and I am not ashamed. This place appears to be so brilliantly white. I can’t see well. I'm not sure if I am in a room or what.

I hear, “Welcome daughter!”

At the sound of His voice, I am overcome. I fall to my knees. I cannot bear to lift my head. I sense an angel stands next to me.  I cannot look up. I am on the "floor" prostrate.

I hear Papa's voice, “Daughter, you are always welcome here. I love you so much. Few have come, but I am happy you stayed the course and came.”

My tongue is tied because I am not able to speak. I just sigh. It is contentment, joy, love, awestruck, wonderment – so many emotions flooding through me all at once. Finally, my voice returns to me.

Me: Papa – why can’t I look at you? What can’t I stand?

Papa: Daughter, you have come farther up and farther in. This is the place where I dwell in Holiness. Few have ventured here. I call them, but either they don’t listen or aren’t interested. You, however, have always been a curious one. Your wonder and ponderings about me are good. I told my creation: If you seek Me you will find Me; IF you seek me with all your being. This is why you are here. All your life you have sought me. Now, my dearest daughter, here I Am. So, rise, my daughter – Come to Me.

I lift my head. I see His robe's hem. I feel the angel help me up. He steadies me. Then, in my full nakedness, I go to Papa. He is light. He shines beyond what I have imagined. He is also golden and light. Color surrounds Him, yet I can only perceive white until my eyes become more accustom to my surroundings.

His arms are open wide as he draws me into Himself. He hugs me. He has hugged me before, but this time, it was so much deeper. It was like wrapping the wholeness of the universe around me.  All of who He is I feel. Then we talk. Just like we have always talked. Yet, there is a newness in this. Our relationship had changed. I am closer now to Papa than I have ever been before. The intimacy is overwhelmingly wonderful.

I don’t feel naked any longer, I am clothed, clothed in His Glory. I am translucent, yet light and fire are on me, like a garment. I am breathing in His fragrance and resonating His frequency. To be honest, I have no grid for any of this, but I am here.

Papa’s shalom is always. This is Joy all around. His Love (AGAPE) enveloped everything.

Me: Papa, you are good, loving, merciful, kind. You are goodness and love wrapped into the best package. You are a good, good Papa!

Papa:  So, Sue, you asked me what was on my heart today, and I didn’t answer you… Do you know now?

Me: (Tears are streaming down my face) Yes, Papa – oh yes, I do. I love you, too! I love you!  Thank you for wooing me in. Thank you.

Just a Little Talk with Jesus

In the past year, my view on the Kingdom of God has changed even more. I don’t know how to specifically state it in words. I find that words don’t really work any longer. I spend time with Papa God. I listen to what He is saying through scripture. I go through the veil into heaven and “have a little talk with Jesus”.

Let me explain, before you think I’m completely bonkers.  When I pray, this is an intimate time I have with Papa God. I sense His presence with me as I talk with him. I have gained a deeper relationship with the Three-in-One over the last decade and more so over the past 4 years.  It is a special time for me, because I journal what transpires.

Usually, when I journal I begin with: “Papa what is on your heart today?”  I then wait for an answer. In the beginning, I would sit and wait sometimes 20 minutes.  During that time-period I think my spirit-man was trying to get through to me, but was having difficult time.  I had to train myself, so to speak, to listen and hear/perceive what God was trying to tell me.  What I learned from that is He speaks in so many ways, that is not in English!  He does, however speak in love and gentleness. There is no condemnation whatsoever. Over time, when I ask what is on His heart, the response is almost immediate. That means, immediately I have a perception of what is being told to me. Not audible, but in pictures. I guess it is more of a “knowing”. In fact, I have difficulty sometimes getting our conversations down, because the response to my question come fast and furiously. I have learned to “hear” or maybe understand His voice from my voice. It takes practice, but well worth it.

I went through a time this past Spring where my soul was not doing well.  I couldn’t figure it out. I would try and journal and talk with Papa, and got nowhere. It was like being on a desert island with my soul and it was cranky and upset. In fact, at times, my soul seemed to be vomiting all over. Junk from the past was coming to the surface.  It was hard for me to be patient with myself. I knew that God was taking me deeper into relationship with Him, and my spirit was excited to just go.  My soul, however, was not so thrilled.  Still a lot of old thought patterns and junk was hindering me from going forward. 

So, one day, I had this brilliant idea to ask my soul what was going on.  What was revealed to me was my poor soul wasn’t all onboard with what my spirit was learning.  Soul just hadn’t caught up yet, so because of that turmoil it forced me to sit in quietness with Papa.  I needed to allow my soul to feel safe and loved.  I know it sounds weird, but that’s exactly what I needed to do.  I’m sure there are other words for it, but that is what transpired prior to the following experience.

Now, about my “little talk with Jesus”. I had a general question about when Jesus had been baptized, by his cousin John. At that point, for the first time ever, I was literally thrown into a vision where I was standing by the River Jordan along the bank. There were people scattered around on the banks of the river talking and watching. John was in the middle of the river. I just knew that the person in the middle of the river was John. It was a “knowing”.  I sensed movement on the opposite side of the river. I looked up and saw Jesus come down to the river.  He was headed directly to John. He waded in and moved around the people just to get in line where John was standing.  I was quite mesmerized by the whole thing. I couldn’t hear what their personal conversation was, and at that time, I didn’t care to. I just watched. It was amazing. When Jesus came up out of the water, I did hear a thunder-like voice. I did see a dove fly down from somewhere onto Jesus’ shoulder. There, the dove remained on his shoulder as he walked out of the river up the bank to sit and dry off. Now the dove was still perched on his shoulder. It didn’t move off. I thought that was curious. Jesus then turned and looked directly at me. He smiled and winked.  I thought, “does Jesus actually see me?”   As soon as I thought that, Jesus turns to me and asks me what I thought about the baptism. I was really startled, but I took a deep breath. I let myself go with the flow and just interacted with him in conversation.  There were others mingling around listening.  It was strange, but powerful.  I was in a living scene of history with Jesus! I was having “just a little talk with Jesus” after His baptism. It was surreal yet, vivid with all the color, smells and all the other sensory inputs one has.

That was a unique experience. I may ask about another time and see what happens.  I’m a curious person, so this is up my alley.

The Molting Season

Have you ever seen a chicken or eagle or any bird really, molt?  You might ask, “What is molting?” Well, as the dictionary says:

verb (used without object)

         (of birds, insects, reptiles, etc.) to cast or shed the feathers, skin, or   the like, that will be replaced by a new growth.

verb (used with object)

             to cast or shed (feathers, skin, etc.) in the process of renewal.

Molting is rather messy.  Feathers all over the place. The birds look rather untidy.  I know because I grew up raising chickens, about 70 of them and when they molted, it was messy. However, it was a necessity for them. Their feathers lose their ability to keep water away from their skin and keep them warm.  Kind of like wearing your coat out; the outside of your coat gets all worn and thin, so then it doesn’t do what it should, like keep you warm and dry.

I am in a “molting season”.  “What?  You molt?  Sue, you don’t have any feathers.”  I know. However, it feels like my soul is in a type of molting season, like a detox-molt.  Old stuff that I have never thought of or even situations that I never thought bothered me – well, they are bothering me - really bothering me. Thus, I am irritable and a little less patient as I am working on this.

Layers upon layers of “stuff” is coming up.  My soul is “preening” the stuff off, little by little, and yet more comes up.  Once I figured out what was going on, I felt myself relax.  This really is needed.  I want to become whole and renewed.  Of course, this comes with learning about soul issues and that my man-spirit has what they call seven (7) redemptive gifts that need to be worked on and healed a bit.  It’s alright if you don’t understand.  I’m still in the process of learning and understanding all this. And by jove, I am gradually getting it!

All that and I just want to say: It is well with my soul.  Finally, after 6 decades, my soul is wanting to be whole and renewed.  That’s a good thing.  Frankly, it a messy process, with somewhat horrible added and I am not appreciating the process. But, I know the end-result will be freeing and liberating to me and probably others who are walking alongside me as I go through this.

I think having people walk with you through this type of “stuff” is most wonderful. They themselves have “gone before”, worked on their own detox-molt, and now help others. This is what the Body of Christ is for.  Instead of coming back at folks who may not be their “normal selves” with criticism - because the person going through the messy process may not even recognize it at first – stop and ask an internal question, what’s up? Then, pray for them. It really is a difficult time, yet so needed for everyone.

Papa God wants His kids whole. Jesus wants His Bride renewed and whole.  I want to be all that I know God wants me to be. Even as frustrating and messy as it is, I am submitting myself to this transformation season, because I will be flying like an eagle with a new set of wings very soon.

The Symphony

I pondered on a warm summer’s day, why a cool breeze lofting through the leaves in the trees could make such a wonderous sound.  It was like each leaf was a tone. The breeze was playing music in the trees and it was stunningly beautiful.  I closed my eyes and just listened.  The sounds that were around me filled my whole being.  Birds chirping their conversations. Squirrels chattering with other squirrels. Insects buzzing around, but not disturbing me. 

I allowed myself to just soak in the sounds with no filters.  My feet were bare and feeling the ground under me. As I listened to the sounds around me, I also allowed myself to feel the earth beneath my feet.  I allowed my spirit to just melt with the sounds around me.  My feet, they seemed to become one with the earth.

 

Then I heard a frequency. It was soft at first. It played in amongst the others sounds around me.  It was like listening to a symphony.  I marveled in my spirit how creation sings.  The next thing was the vibrations that I was sensing in the earth.  It was all in tune with each other.

I marveled how our Creator orchestrated his symphony.  Each tone of a bird’s song, each chirp and chatter of a squirrel and even the mooing of cows – all intertwined together to make a symphony.

Now, I am inside and it is winter. The cold brings either rain or snow. I had the opportunity to watch the snow fall. It was silent as it fell. Yet, it must have made a sound.  It made the world around me quiet. For some reason, the covering of the snow seems to bring a sense of longing. A longing for wholeness and purity.  Now the rain comes. It washes all the snow away. It reveals the nicks and rubbish on the ground. The dark skies, with clouds heavy with rain, seem to be foreboding. But, as the rain comes down, I hear the sound on the roof. The swishing of cars going by as they run over puddles. Here again is another type of symphony. Rumbling vehicles driving on wet streets have some sort of rhythmic pattern. The rain pounding on the roof has a rhythmic pattern.  The wind blowing through the evergreen trees is not silent. It plays each branch.

Listen to the symphony.  It’s there for each of us every day.  A symphony so grand that we miss it because we don’t take the time to listen. Sometimes, that symphony is soft, so unless we listen we miss it.

I close my eyes and quiet my soul. I then step onto my seat of rest.  I ask my Creator to help me listen with His ears, so that I can hear His symphony.  It is most beautiful.

THANKSGIVING

Every year in November people get all thankful, because of the one day a year we are to give thanks.  Doesn’t that seem rather silly?  I mean, one day a year, set aside just to be thankful. That doesn’t seem right to me.  Why?

Well, having a thankful heart should be year around.  I know, there are some folks that are going through hell and it’s hard for them to be thankful. There are those that are marginalized; homeless, drug addicts, prostitutes, widows, newly divorced and those that are traded for sex as children. These people find it very difficult to be thankful. I can’t really imagine what that must be like.

Yet the Bible says,”

“Give thanks to God no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. (This is God’s will for all of you in Jesus the Anointed.)" 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (VOICE)

There are so many people across our nation, that can be thankful that they have jobs, a family they are at least communicating with. They have a roof over their heads, warm clothes to wear, and food on their table. Basic needs are met.  Yet, even these folks aren’t very thankful. They can find something, focus on it and be critical. Doesn’t matter how much they do have and I just shake my head.

My husband and I were close to being homeless; more than some of our friends realize. We struggled with Jim being out of work and making our bills. We went to the food bank just to stretch what funds we did have from unemployment. When unemployment was gone, we had to make it stretch even farther.It was not easy. It was difficult. But through all of that, we were thankful.

We have a faith that is unshakeable. A faith in the Creator of the Universe, who sent His Son to earth to live and die just for me, for all of us.  It is having a relationship with my Creator that gives me that thankful heart.  He loves me.  I love Him. We talk all the time thus, I have a very close relationship with Him. He lets me know that He is standing with me, and sometimes carrying me.

Over and over again Jim and I have seen Him provide for us in the most amazing ways.  I don’t know why.  I just know that He loves us. We are His children and he wants to provide for us.  I also know that He stood by us in our darkest moments. Those moments when we felt helpless, hopeless, and in despair.  Yet, His presence was still there.  I could tangibly feel it.  But, I could only feel it because I had a close relationship with Him.  I longed for His presence and sought it out.

Being thankful comes from within, not from circumstances outside of us. Otherwise, who would be thankful?  I think true thankfulness is learned from our Creator. He teaches me so many things. More than I can write here, but it is a daily learning. It is a daily discipline to come before Him - humbly with hands and heart open for more of Him.

 

“Give thanks to the Eternal, and call out to Him. Teach the people His deeds.” 

 1 Chronicles 16:8 ( VOICE)

My Personal Mountains – Mountain of Provision

 I’m sitting in the car waiting for Jim at his workplace. We’re heading to Tumwater to stay with my sister Karen for Thanksgiving.

Because our finances don’t seem to be any better since Jim got his permanent full-time job in July of this year, in fact they seem to have gotten worse, I asked Holy Spirit if I should go to court again or if there was a mountain I needed to clear off.  “A mountain” is what I heard, so by faith I went up in the spirit to what I thought was my Mountain of Finance.

However, before I went to that mountain, I went to the Holy of Holies and took communion. That is a time I take to “see if there is any wicked way in me” and confess it before the Lord.  I want to be clean and full of His righteousness always. I find I can see and hear a whole lot better once I do this. After taking communion, in the spirit, I went and stood before the Ark of the Covenant.  It was difficult to discern, but I saw the Eagle face out of the four faces of God. (The four faces of God: Lion, Ox, Eagle, Man.) I waited to hear or receive a mandate for when I go to the Mountain of Finance. I heard – “Go to the mountain.  All will be revealed.”  So, in the spirit, I went to the mountain.

As I looked around (more perceiving at this point), I sensed it was very dark and sludgy. I have my sword of Truth, which shines light, so I unsheathed it so it would shed light.  I walked around the base of the mountain. Sludge and mud – YUCK! I wished I had put on a pair of rubber boots. Then, walked up a bit on a trail and pretty much ran into an ogre. I asked my Angels, Mikael and Fred, to pin him down and shackle him. After doing that, we discovered two other ogres and they did the same to them; pinned them down and shackled them. 

I asked Holy Spirit what to do now.  I heard, “Court of War. They are trespassing.”.  So, Mikael and Fred along with the three ogres and I went to the Court of War.

Court of War

Once again, in the spirit we were transported to a hallway where there was a huge wood door and two very large angels standing guard.  One asked why I was there. I told him I had three ogres that had trespassed on my mountain and the angel then opened the door and allowed me to enter.

I realize that my angels have taken these three ogres to someplace else. I think probably some sort of holding area.

As I entered the courtroom, I see Jesus standing there waiting for me.  He smiled at me and gestured for me to come by his side.  I looked around the courtroom.  It was wider and not as deep.  I see the Cloud of Witnesses to the left of me and the Judge (God) in the front of the room at the bench. It appeared like a regular courtroom one would see on earth, sort of, except there was a lot of Glory-Light in that room.

I asked Jesus to give me some pointers, because I wasn’t sure what the protocol was in this court.  He asked me what I needed. I told him.  He smiled and said that I was in the right place.

After a few pointers, like acknowledging the Court (God), the Cloud of Witnesses, and Jesus, I approached the bench.  In the Court of War, Jesus isn’t just an advocate, he is our co-counsel on every case, so again I am not alone.

The Father asked me to approach the bench.  I acknowledge Him, Jesus and Holy Spirit. I acknowledged the Cloud of Witnesses that were also in attendance.  I stated what had been happening with the finance situation in our family and what I found on the mountain. 

The Judge (GOD) called the angels to present the ogres before the court.  I did not know that these three ogres represented three negative trading floor kings: Tyre- Money, materialism and all that entails; Athaliah – Kingly seed, “identity- I’m not good enough” and all those lies; and lastly Leviathan – Twisted communication, half-truth, trying to impress people. (I only knew this because Jesus told me.)

The three ogres stood before the Judge (God) in shackles and their mouths duct taped, so they could not speak. They were not happy.  They writhed as they stood before the Judge. Partly because of the Light that came from the Father. Then, Father judged them “Guilty of Trespassing”.  The three ogres were then taken by three Bailiffs and Jesus.  I saw them all go through a door, but did not know where they were taken.

Father then gave me a scroll. I looked at it and it said,

”All that has been taken, stolen or removed by the enemy is to be restored 7 fold, by the enemy to Sue Beckman and her husband, Jim. Any plunder that had been taken: jobs or promotions that were stolen, all money that should have been multiplying and continue to multiply will be restored. The enemy is to keep his hands off.

This will continue:  All that is touched, created, thought of, promotions, unexpected inheritances, jobs will prosper to the fullest.”

I took the scroll and was directed to the Court of Scribes. This looked like the front of a library or something. It had a counter where an Angel Scribe stood.  I handed the scroll to the Scribe. They took it and went away for just a moment.  Then was back with two scrolls. They had made a copy; the original I keep and the copy goes to the Court of Angels.

I then went to the Court of Angels. As I stepped into the court area, they all stopped and waited for me to give them instructions.  I asked for volunteers to begin the clean- up of my mountain. Well, I had quite a few (like hundreds) raise their hands.  I picked 50, gave them the scroll and we all went to my mountain.

Clean-up of the Mountain

Back at the mountain, I asked the angels to find the opening on the inside of the mountain.  Once found, I went in.  Great Scott!  There was a hoard of treasure! More than I could have imagined.  With the angelic help, we sorted and cleaned.  I saw a stairway of sorts, that led up to a ledge. I went up that and found a knob of some sort.  I tried to turn it, but it was rusted and wouldn’t budge. So, Mikael came and helped me turn it. Well, he did most of it, because he is stronger than I am.

I heard a trickle of water. It was coming from up overhead towards my right.  More and more water came until there was a beautiful waterfall.  The fresh sparkling water began to clean the sludge from the floor.  It also was cleaning off the treasure. I noticed a huge grate. It was closed, so asked Fred to open it. He (Fred) had a couple of other angels help him clean it out once he opened it. Then, the water went through the grate.  Once the water was flowing, everything inside became clean and smelled nice. In fact, the water was bringing gems and scrolls and other things into the mountain.

I walked back outside and the mud and sludge was cleaned away. There are fish and fresh sweet water running around the base of the mountain now. It looks like a moat, but with fresh clear and very clean water.  Also, the water sparkled and shimmered, which makes the mountain kind of glow.

There is a path that goes up the mountain. As I walk up it, I notice a scrawny tree.  I asked an angel to get some of the fresh water and water it.  When he did that, it began to grow and the fruit of it was like “money”. A money tree? Its blossoms were gold and silver coins. Large ones.  The tree was green; a deep lush green.  Around the tree are flowers, but the flowers are gemstones; precious and semi-precious stones. 

When I reached the top of the mountain, there was a small garden around the throne that was there. I sat upon that throne and spoke from the scroll that was given to me from the Court of War.  Once I spoke those declarations, I posted two angels on the mountain to guard and protect it. I sat there for quite a while and praised God for His provision. I realized this is not the mountain of finance, but the Mountain of Provision.  All provision come from God. It does not from man. That stopped me in my tracks.  Now I look at our family finances as God’s provision now. What game changer in new thinking.  Thank you Father