While
'pondering' over some spiritual things, I wondered why it is so difficult to
let go of control of my life and let Holy Spirit just 'take the wheel and
steer'! It just makes life so much easier, if I give permission to
Holy Spirit to take control.
I've been going through so many emotions this past week. Faith. Strong Faith. Then, I plummet downward and then I am anxious. I'm not sure what I'm hanging onto. Maybe it is control. Control of my emotions. Control of everything around me. Control wanting to make it happen, which is totally out of my control.
Jim hasn't had a call back from the interview he had. He is handling it better than he has in the past; that is growth for him. I just feel the weight on my shoulders. I don't like that weight. I want it off!
Today's devotion by TERESA
SCHANTZ kind of summed it up in a
'parable' for me.
===============================================
"Coming
out of the grocery store, right in front of me, were a man and his young son.
The little boy was desperately hanging on to a big bag of ice, trying to appear
as if the act was effortless. His father was doing the actual carrying, holding
it with true ease by its handle. The little boy cried out, “Don’t let go, Dad.
Don’t let go!”
The
father replied, “I won’t, son. Is the bag too heavy? Is the ice too cold?”
“No,
no, Daddy! I’ve got it. But don’t let go!”
Thinking
back on this scene, I drew a significant parallel. How like the little boy am
I, hanging on tightly to my life, insisting on controlling it all by myself. I
go into the office early and do paperwork through lunch, obsessed with getting
ahead and forcing my career to climb. Or I pick and choose the church
activities that I want to participate in, those that most conveniently fit into
my life. And I plan constantly for the future, making lists, structuring my
priorities to meet my time lines.
In
reality, my Father is carrying the load. I could easily let go and allow Him to
effortlessly carry my burdens and rule my life. I know there are times when my
Father says, “Teresa, is the load too heavy? Are you feeling cold and alone?”
My
answer is usually just a shift of the load. I groan under its weight, but
tenaciously hold on to the burden. “No, no, Father! I’ve got it—but don’t let
go!”
So
I have to decide: When I wake up early in the morning and my body immediately
tenses in anticipation of the day’s problems, do I want to carry it all by
myself, or would I rather leave it for stronger arms to bear?
Father,
be patient with my insistence that I struggle alone with my load. Teach me to
let go to You."
