Fully Surrendered

LORD,

I place before you just myself.

I seek to see you only.

Others around me are suffering.

Is there nothing I can do?

Daughter, there is.

Continue to stay in my Presence.

You may bring others to my throne.

Yet, don't hold tightly to things around

They are easily lost.

LORD,

I would ask for angelic help

Go fight the battle that is waging.

To protect those that are in harm's way

And stop the enemy's pillaging.

Daughter, you know I will do this.

Others only need to ask me.

To rise up and be my sons and daughters

With the authority, I have already given.

LORD,

I stand right now as your daughter.

My crown upon my head and scepter in hand.

To the raging wars I speak and declare: 

Remember who created you and for what purpose.

Peace Be Still!

"Daughter", said He and smiled,

You are my warrior child. 

It is time to rest.

Now, sit and feast, yes, before the enemy.

It makes him mad, but nothing he can do.

You are in my place, with me. 

Fully loved.

Song of the Bride

I have somewhat recently purchased The Passion Translation Bible (PTB).  It is a new translation that is to “reintroduce the passion and fire of the Bible to the English reader. It doesn’t merely convey the literal meaning of words. It expresses God’s passion for people and his world by translating the original, life-changing message of God’s Word for the modern reader."  I thought that it would be good to read another more “modern” translation just because.

Well, when I received PTB, I knew it didn’t have the complete Bible, but it did include Psalms, Proverbs, and the Song of Songs from the Old Testament and the complete New Testament.  So, I was perusing through, the Song of Songs caught my attention.  Literally, the title was lite up.  I thought that was interesting, so I asked Papa God what that meant.  Of course, He gave me a “read it and find out”.

Understand that I am a theater person as my background.  When I read anything, I read for the story first, then I go back and read for characters, their background and such.  So, that’s how I read the Bible.  Usually, during those readings are when Holy Spirit will highlight things to me. Whether they are concepts or just the “what is happening here” and I research it.

I have read the Song of Songs only once before. That was in the King James Version when I was a very new believer and I didn’t like it at all.  In fact, it repulsed me, to be honest. I had no understanding of that kind of intimacy and I was only 17.  So, I never went back to it, until I got the PTB.

I asked Papa what I should be looking for and I heard nothing. So, my prayer was “Holy Spirit, help me read through this story with a new heart and new understanding. I then commenced reading.

The Song of Songs has 8 chapters. Within these 8 chapters is the heart of the King toward his Bride. How much he loves his bride. It also shows the struggle of the Bride, even though she loves the King, she struggles. By the time I finished reading the whole book in one sitting, I was in tears. Yes, I cried. I cried because the King LOVES ME.  He loves his Bride beyond anything we can even imagine. He loves us as a groom loves his bride.

So, my reaction rather surprised me. I went before Papa and thanked him for loving me as I am. I hadn’t realized how much the intimacy in my relationship with him was so overwhelming. I know that when I was younger, intimacy meant sex. But, after being married for going on 34 years, intimacy is not only sex but an opening up of feelings, dreams, a friendship that goes beyond a friendship-love or even a lover-love.

I sat in my chair for quite awhile just ruminating over what I had just read. Then, I hear Holy Spirit whisper, “It’s a play. It needs to be performed.”

My reaction, “What!?  I can’t write a play, especially The Song of Songs.  Are you kidding me?”

He whispered again. “Read it again as a play. Then make your determination.”

So, I read it again.  And when I did, I saw an 8 scene play along with the characters and how it could be set. It came to life in my head!  As I read, I saw it played out. Lights. Sound. Costumes. I saw the whole shebang.

So, I am in process of adapting the Song of Songs into a play format. More like reader’s theater than a full-blown show, but still effective non-the-less.  This is a collaborative journey with Papa. I go into my rehearsal hall in heaven and work through scenes and sometimes look at lighting and costumes.  It’s a blast!  Papa allowing me to be creative in a very different way and it is more satisfying than anything I’ve done in the past.

I heard a song by Paul Wilbur called “The Song of the Beautiful Bride”. 

This is the story of Song of Songs.  I again wept with joy and love for my King.

Song of the Beautiful Bride

A Shaking and Vibrations

There’s a change going on. Not sure how to explain it. I’ve been pondering over it since the beginning of this year.

There seems to be a shifting. I can sense it in the heavens, but also on earth.  A rumbling of sorts. Again, I can’t explain it. My whole being just senses it and knows it.  My spirit knows it.

I was sitting in my chair where I do most of my praying and worshipping and the ground began to shake. At the same time, my body began to vibrate. By vibrate, I mean my body’s frequency was changing big time. And this did not stop for 20 minutes. I thought every cell in my body was going to explode because of the vibration.  The floor was also shaking during that time, but nothing around me was moving.

While this was happening, I kept asking Papa God, “What is this? Why is this happening? Show me.”

You must understand that I do not come from any Pentecostal or Charismatic movement. I met Jesus in a conservative Baptist Church and my husband and I are members of an Evangelical Free Church. Stuff like this doesn’t happen. I am however, also a member of NW Ekklesia where I mentor folks to grow in their relationship with Papa God, so they can walk out their faith in the Kingdom of God. I have experienced manifestations of God and healings amongst that group of believers. I have also been walking in the prophetic since 2011, while still attending this local body of believers.

This shaking that I experienced was not a natural earthquake. It was in the spirit realm. There really is a battle going on with the powers and principalities of the air.  More folks are waking up from a very long sleep and discovering God has something more for each of them; more of Himself than what they were taught. Granted, there are still those who are waking up, but not liking what they are experiencing and wanting to go back to sleep!  Such a waste. But, we cannot wait for them. We must continue to go forward with God. He is calling each one of us get up and walk!  Calling each one of us to run!  Calling each one of us to Live!  Too long have we sat and slept when He was talking to us.  Our ears have been plugged by the enemy’s distractions and now we must focus. FOCUS.  God is calling us to focus. Quit being distracted by the enemy’s wiles. Be discerning. Watch and pray.

I AM

For some reason, this past year has been a struggle inside myself. Not sure exactly why, but old “stuff” began to surface and I had to deal with that “stuff”.  One of the great ways to deal with difficult things and even situations is to remember WHO has my future and hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you", declares the Lord and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."  Jeremiah 29:11-14

My Papa God knows me so well. He knew me before Time was created. My spirit has been with Him before my human mind even knew who He was. This makes me pause, because I feel wonderstruck. I just want to sit and be in His presence; this allows the struggles to melt away.

He knows the struggles that I have. He also knows what is best for me and allows me to make decisions for myself.  Yes, there are consequences for whatever decisions I make – good or bad. That is His gift to me and He will never take that away from me. I just need to learn from mistakes and march forward.

One morning while praying, I heard in my spirit the Lord say this to me:

I know the struggles you have.

I am your righteousness.
I am with you always.

I am your defender.

I am your provider.

I am your banner.

I am your song.

I Am.

I am the strength for your weakness.
I am the source for your needs.
I am the fire in your heart.

I am the word of Life.

I Am.

I am Alpha and Omega.

I am the Creator.

I am Father of All.

I am Love.

I Am.

I am your Peace and Shalom.

I am your Life and Light.

I am your revelation.

I am your guard.

I Am.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.
I am the Resurrection and Life.

I am the Light of the world.
I am the Good Shepherd.
I am the Bread of Life.
I am the Gate.

I am the Vine.

I Am who I Am.

The Black Cloud – Part 2: The Set Up

This took place in 2016 during a Silent Prayer retreat. It was the most impactful experience in my life up to then. This is one year after my first encounter with the Black Cloud. 

Me:  Papa God, what’s on your heart today?

Papa: We haven’t talked like this for a long while. I’ve missed this with you.  I want you to know I am not mad or angry, just a little sad. I so enjoy when you and I sit and talk like this.  You give me joy. Did you know that I long for you?

Me: (I look deep into His eyes. I see only love for me.) Papa – forgive me for not allowing you to be number 1 all the time. (He smiles) Thank you for just loving me; just the way I am in all my foibles.

Papa: I love your foibles! (laughs) They are what make you who you are. You are discovering so much more about “you” in your journey, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I am! So many things to learn and know that I think I just shut down sometimes. So, when that happens I focus more on my busyness. Sorry. This is where I need to be on my seat of rest. I know that. Even my mind needs it and knows it. You whisper, “seat of rest” sometimes, don’t you? (I shake my head) I hear it but don’t heed it.  Then, I suffer for not going there.

Papa: Yes, and there is no need to suffer. Might I encourage you to every morning – Come up and sit with Me. Listen to what I am saying to you. I sometimes sing to you. (smiles) You seem to enjoy that.

Me:  Oh my yes!  Waking up with a song in my head – humming. I haven’t really done that in a very long while. Having you sing a melody; then me trying to figure out what that melody is – to what song and then the words – is quite a fun puzzle! The journey and then the discovery! Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with how much you love me.

Papa: I want to overwhelm you with my presence. My whole being loves you. Allow me to envelop you. Allow me to be more than a part of you. Come into Me. Stand with me as a daughter. (He pauses just for a brief moment.) It will take courage. Probably more courage than you’ve ever had before. It may seem like darkness at first, but I am there, once you step through that veiled darkness. I am there in the light waiting. Come. Please come.

(I remain quiet for a few moments, taking in all that He has just spoken.)

Me: Papa – this sounds an awful like “The Black Cloud” experience that Ian Clayton had. Is this what you are asking of me?

Papa:  Yes, daughter. It is time. Are you ready?

Me: (silent for a time. I really have to dig deep down into myself for this.)

        Yes, Papa – I am ready. If I die right here and now, I will be with you. My whole being will be with you. I want to know how to live in your Presence – fully.

Papa: So, let’s do this.  Come, daughter.  Come.

I am immediately in darkness. Swirling darkness that is all around me. It is disconcerting to my whole being. I’m not sure I want to go any farther. My mind wants to turn back. Yet, my spirit says, “no, continue forward”.

The swirling around me becomes very dense. I feel like I can’t breathe. Then, I feel heat. Yes, heat; like when you are near a huge bonfire. Get too close and you may catch fire. Yet, I feel that I need to move closer to that fire. It is beckoning to me to come closer. Inch by inch and step by step I keep moving forward. Then, I come to, what appeared like a wall of fire.  I panic.

Me: God how do I get past this!?

Papa: Walk straight through it.

Me: But PAPA!  It’s fire! It will burn me up.

Papa: I am with you.  Come.

The gentleness, yet firmness of His voice is calling to me. My spirit is jumping. My mind is racing. Do I go ahead? What if I get burned up? Well, then I will be with God forever. But, I already am. What will this do to me?

My spirit whispers, “Forward”.

God says, “Come”.

I hesitate for just a moment; just a heart check. I confess all that I can think of and repent. I stand under the Blood and mercy of Jesus.

Then…I step back. “I can’t do this!”, I argue.

But, my spirit firmly says, “Enter. Now.”

Again, I hear God’s familiar voice, “Come”.

I close my eyes. I take a very long deep breath. I take one step forward I really feel the heat from the fire now. He’s calling me into the fire!

Papa: Come. 

Me: Papa, it will burn me!

Papa: Come.

So, I take another step. At this point, I am now resolved to just go. No matter what happens. I take another step forward. Now, I feel the flames licking me. The thing is, I’m at peace. I take another step forward. I am now engulfed by the flames that surround me. I literally stand there in that fire. It is not consuming my body but consuming all the lies, all the misconceptions, all the religious teaching and burning them up. Layers upon layers all being consumed.  It is a refining fire. As I now continue to walk through this refining fire, I feel lighter. I feel freedom.

Then, all at once I am past the fire. I am standing stark naked in this place I am in and I am not ashamed. This place appears to be so brilliantly white. I can’t see well. I'm not sure if I am in a room or what.

I hear, “Welcome daughter!”

At the sound of His voice, I am overcome. I fall to my knees. I cannot bear to lift my head. I sense an angel stands next to me.  I cannot look up. I am on the "floor" prostrate.

I hear Papa's voice, “Daughter, you are always welcome here. I love you so much. Few have come, but I am happy you stayed the course and came.”

My tongue is tied because I am not able to speak. I just sigh. It is contentment, joy, love, awestruck, wonderment – so many emotions flooding through me all at once. Finally, my voice returns to me.

Me: Papa – why can’t I look at you? What can’t I stand?

Papa: Daughter, you have come farther up and farther in. This is the place where I dwell in Holiness. Few have ventured here. I call them, but either they don’t listen or aren’t interested. You, however, have always been a curious one. Your wonder and ponderings about me are good. I told my creation: If you seek Me you will find Me; IF you seek me with all your being. This is why you are here. All your life you have sought me. Now, my dearest daughter, here I Am. So, rise, my daughter – Come to Me.

I lift my head. I see His robe's hem. I feel the angel help me up. He steadies me. Then, in my full nakedness, I go to Papa. He is light. He shines beyond what I have imagined. He is also golden and light. Color surrounds Him, yet I can only perceive white until my eyes become more accustom to my surroundings.

His arms are open wide as he draws me into Himself. He hugs me. He has hugged me before, but this time, it was so much deeper. It was like wrapping the wholeness of the universe around me.  All of who He is I feel. Then we talk. Just like we have always talked. Yet, there is a newness in this. Our relationship had changed. I am closer now to Papa than I have ever been before. The intimacy is overwhelmingly wonderful.

I don’t feel naked any longer, I am clothed, clothed in His Glory. I am translucent, yet light and fire are on me, like a garment. I am breathing in His fragrance and resonating His frequency. To be honest, I have no grid for any of this, but I am here.

Papa’s shalom is always. This is Joy all around. His Love (AGAPE) enveloped everything.

Me: Papa, you are good, loving, merciful, kind. You are goodness and love wrapped into the best package. You are a good, good Papa!

Papa:  So, Sue, you asked me what was on my heart today, and I didn’t answer you… Do you know now?

Me: (Tears are streaming down my face) Yes, Papa – oh yes, I do. I love you, too! I love you!  Thank you for wooing me in. Thank you.

Just a Little Talk with Jesus

In the past year, my view on the Kingdom of God has changed even more. I don’t know how to specifically state it in words. I find that words don’t really work any longer. I spend time with Papa God. I listen to what He is saying through scripture. I go through the veil into heaven and “have a little talk with Jesus”.

Let me explain, before you think I’m completely bonkers.  When I pray, this is an intimate time I have with Papa God. I sense His presence with me as I talk with him. I have gained a deeper relationship with the Three-in-One over the last decade and more so over the past 4 years.  It is a special time for me, because I journal what transpires.

Usually, when I journal I begin with: “Papa what is on your heart today?”  I then wait for an answer. In the beginning, I would sit and wait sometimes 20 minutes.  During that time-period I think my spirit-man was trying to get through to me, but was having difficult time.  I had to train myself, so to speak, to listen and hear/perceive what God was trying to tell me.  What I learned from that is He speaks in so many ways, that is not in English!  He does, however speak in love and gentleness. There is no condemnation whatsoever. Over time, when I ask what is on His heart, the response is almost immediate. That means, immediately I have a perception of what is being told to me. Not audible, but in pictures. I guess it is more of a “knowing”. In fact, I have difficulty sometimes getting our conversations down, because the response to my question come fast and furiously. I have learned to “hear” or maybe understand His voice from my voice. It takes practice, but well worth it.

I went through a time this past Spring where my soul was not doing well.  I couldn’t figure it out. I would try and journal and talk with Papa, and got nowhere. It was like being on a desert island with my soul and it was cranky and upset. In fact, at times, my soul seemed to be vomiting all over. Junk from the past was coming to the surface.  It was hard for me to be patient with myself. I knew that God was taking me deeper into relationship with Him, and my spirit was excited to just go.  My soul, however, was not so thrilled.  Still a lot of old thought patterns and junk was hindering me from going forward. 

So, one day, I had this brilliant idea to ask my soul what was going on.  What was revealed to me was my poor soul wasn’t all onboard with what my spirit was learning.  Soul just hadn’t caught up yet, so because of that turmoil it forced me to sit in quietness with Papa.  I needed to allow my soul to feel safe and loved.  I know it sounds weird, but that’s exactly what I needed to do.  I’m sure there are other words for it, but that is what transpired prior to the following experience.

Now, about my “little talk with Jesus”. I had a general question about when Jesus had been baptized, by his cousin John. At that point, for the first time ever, I was literally thrown into a vision where I was standing by the River Jordan along the bank. There were people scattered around on the banks of the river talking and watching. John was in the middle of the river. I just knew that the person in the middle of the river was John. It was a “knowing”.  I sensed movement on the opposite side of the river. I looked up and saw Jesus come down to the river.  He was headed directly to John. He waded in and moved around the people just to get in line where John was standing.  I was quite mesmerized by the whole thing. I couldn’t hear what their personal conversation was, and at that time, I didn’t care to. I just watched. It was amazing. When Jesus came up out of the water, I did hear a thunder-like voice. I did see a dove fly down from somewhere onto Jesus’ shoulder. There, the dove remained on his shoulder as he walked out of the river up the bank to sit and dry off. Now the dove was still perched on his shoulder. It didn’t move off. I thought that was curious. Jesus then turned and looked directly at me. He smiled and winked.  I thought, “does Jesus actually see me?”   As soon as I thought that, Jesus turns to me and asks me what I thought about the baptism. I was really startled, but I took a deep breath. I let myself go with the flow and just interacted with him in conversation.  There were others mingling around listening.  It was strange, but powerful.  I was in a living scene of history with Jesus! I was having “just a little talk with Jesus” after His baptism. It was surreal yet, vivid with all the color, smells and all the other sensory inputs one has.

That was a unique experience. I may ask about another time and see what happens.  I’m a curious person, so this is up my alley.

The Molting Season

Have you ever seen a chicken or eagle or any bird really, molt?  You might ask, “What is molting?” Well, as the dictionary says:

verb (used without object)

         (of birds, insects, reptiles, etc.) to cast or shed the feathers, skin, or   the like, that will be replaced by a new growth.

verb (used with object)

             to cast or shed (feathers, skin, etc.) in the process of renewal.

Molting is rather messy.  Feathers all over the place. The birds look rather untidy.  I know because I grew up raising chickens, about 70 of them and when they molted, it was messy. However, it was a necessity for them. Their feathers lose their ability to keep water away from their skin and keep them warm.  Kind of like wearing your coat out; the outside of your coat gets all worn and thin, so then it doesn’t do what it should, like keep you warm and dry.

I am in a “molting season”.  “What?  You molt?  Sue, you don’t have any feathers.”  I know. However, it feels like my soul is in a type of molting season, like a detox-molt.  Old stuff that I have never thought of or even situations that I never thought bothered me – well, they are bothering me - really bothering me. Thus, I am irritable and a little less patient as I am working on this.

Layers upon layers of “stuff” is coming up.  My soul is “preening” the stuff off, little by little, and yet more comes up.  Once I figured out what was going on, I felt myself relax.  This really is needed.  I want to become whole and renewed.  Of course, this comes with learning about soul issues and that my man-spirit has what they call seven (7) redemptive gifts that need to be worked on and healed a bit.  It’s alright if you don’t understand.  I’m still in the process of learning and understanding all this. And by jove, I am gradually getting it!

All that and I just want to say: It is well with my soul.  Finally, after 6 decades, my soul is wanting to be whole and renewed.  That’s a good thing.  Frankly, it a messy process, with somewhat horrible added and I am not appreciating the process. But, I know the end-result will be freeing and liberating to me and probably others who are walking alongside me as I go through this.

I think having people walk with you through this type of “stuff” is most wonderful. They themselves have “gone before”, worked on their own detox-molt, and now help others. This is what the Body of Christ is for.  Instead of coming back at folks who may not be their “normal selves” with criticism - because the person going through the messy process may not even recognize it at first – stop and ask an internal question, what’s up? Then, pray for them. It really is a difficult time, yet so needed for everyone.

Papa God wants His kids whole. Jesus wants His Bride renewed and whole.  I want to be all that I know God wants me to be. Even as frustrating and messy as it is, I am submitting myself to this transformation season, because I will be flying like an eagle with a new set of wings very soon.