My Journey Going Deeper

When I began "my journey off the tracks" from religion, I could not imagine what that would look like.  A person prepares for a journey. You make a list and check it twice just so you don’t forget something.  Especially, when taking a long journey to an unknown place, you what to be prepared, right?  Well, let me just say that preparing for a deeper relationship with the Creator is not your normal journey!

In May of 2017, I wrote in my journal:

“Up until now, I never realized that my spirit has been so far ahead of my soul. My soul is not sure what to make of the “stuff” I am experiencing in the spirit realm. New ideas and far out there off the grid “stuff”. I’ve been “off the grid” for a while but never thought that my dear soul was having such issues.

 Working through my spirit, soul, and body gateways, while mentoring/teaching is also a journey. It is not just a process.  I think that’s one thing I am learning. It’s all a journey. There are processes along the way to help us along.

Transformation is hard. Why? Well, you have to go through ALL the baggage you have carried your whole life and take care of it. This means letting go of:

Bitterness and forgiving. Looking at circumstances or situations where I have said yes to the enemy and no to God. Own it and then allow Papa God to restore. Yes, some of that is what people call “soul issues” but it is because I allowed the soul to be in charge and not my spirit-man.

I’m also learning to “Bless my Spirit” to be who she should be. To remember her identity and purpose for being here. If my spirit-man is working fully then m soul can be at rest. There is no striving, just being. And that makes sense since we are “Human-Beings and not Human-Doings”. If you’d like some help with this, I suggest reading Sylvia Gunter & Arthur Burk’s book “Blessing your Spirit”. You can find it on Amazon.

There is also seeing and acknowledging where I have traded with the enemy.  This has been difficult because of some of the “tendencies” are generational. So, that means working closely with Papa God and working through that. Papa shows me where the trade happened, with whom and what was traded. Now, this can be an eye-opener. Though ugly at times, it is definitely freeing.

Where to start? Well, the easiest and yet most difficult is at the beginning of my life. Yup, all the way back to my conception.

You see, I am adopted.  From what I have gathered without any DNA testing, my birth mother got pregnant out of wedlock either in her late teens or early 20’s in the mid-1950s. That was totally taboo being single and pregnant. So, typically, the person would either adopt out or have an abortion (which was illegal then and not safe at all). I don’t know if she consented or not. But I have the sense she was “in love”. However, the realization of being with child was scary for her. She had to give me up.

This of course, leaves me with questions. Where is she? Who is she?  Who is my birth father? Did he know about me? Are these people still living or are they dead now?

What did my birth parents enjoy doing? Did they sing? Were they artistic in any way? I want to know where I got my artistic abilities. Did God just give them to me, or did I inherit them? Questions… I have had them for a very long time but never had the impetus to find out. I am curious though.  I have always been a curious person.

My Mom and Dad told me at a very early age that “I was chosen” for them. They chose me to be their daughter. They loved me unconditionally, even when I failed to meet their expectations. They treated me with love and discipline so that I would grow up and mature as an adult. I think they did a very good job.

I have a greater sense that God placed me with them specifically. These two individuals had so much love for each other and me and my three sisters who were also adopted.  Together Mom and Dad reflected God’s loving image to me. I miss them very much.

So, my transformation process/journey has also been sweet. It’s going back and seeing those beautiful moments of growth over the years. The remembrance of the little things that actually have made a huge difference in where I am today.”

I encourage anyone reading this, to step before the Father and ask him to begin the transformation process in your life.  Like I said, it is not easy and at times ugly, but the healing that comes from that process makes the journey even sweeter as you step more into the deep with God.

Fully Surrendered

LORD,

I place before you just myself.

I seek to see you only.

Others around me are suffering.

Is there nothing I can do?

Daughter, there is.

Continue to stay in my Presence.

You may bring others to my throne.

Yet, don't hold tightly to things around

They are easily lost.

LORD,

I would ask for angelic help

Go fight the battle that is waging.

To protect those that are in harm's way

And stop the enemy's pillaging.

Daughter, you know I will do this.

Others only need to ask me.

To rise up and be my sons and daughters

With the authority, I have already given.

LORD,

I stand right now as your daughter.

My crown upon my head and scepter in hand.

To the raging wars I speak and declare: 

Remember who created you and for what purpose.

Peace Be Still!

"Daughter", said He and smiled,

You are my warrior child. 

It is time to rest.

Now, sit and feast, yes, before the enemy.

It makes him mad, but nothing he can do.

You are in my place, with me. 

Fully loved.

A Shaking and Vibrations

There’s a change going on. Not sure how to explain it. I’ve been pondering over it since the beginning of this year.

There seems to be a shifting. I can sense it in the heavens, but also on earth.  A rumbling of sorts. Again, I can’t explain it. My whole being just senses it and knows it.  My spirit knows it.

I was sitting in my chair where I do most of my praying and worshipping and the ground began to shake. At the same time, my body began to vibrate. By vibrate, I mean my body’s frequency was changing big time. And this did not stop for 20 minutes. I thought every cell in my body was going to explode because of the vibration.  The floor was also shaking during that time, but nothing around me was moving.

While this was happening, I kept asking Papa God, “What is this? Why is this happening? Show me.”

You must understand that I do not come from any Pentecostal or Charismatic movement. I met Jesus in a conservative Baptist Church and my husband and I are members of an Evangelical Free Church. Stuff like this doesn’t happen. I am however, also a member of NW Ekklesia where I mentor folks to grow in their relationship with Papa God, so they can walk out their faith in the Kingdom of God. I have experienced manifestations of God and healings amongst that group of believers. I have also been walking in the prophetic since 2011, while still attending this local body of believers.

This shaking that I experienced was not a natural earthquake. It was in the spirit realm. There really is a battle going on with the powers and principalities of the air.  More folks are waking up from a very long sleep and discovering God has something more for each of them; more of Himself than what they were taught. Granted, there are still those who are waking up, but not liking what they are experiencing and wanting to go back to sleep!  Such a waste. But, we cannot wait for them. We must continue to go forward with God. He is calling each one of us get up and walk!  Calling each one of us to run!  Calling each one of us to Live!  Too long have we sat and slept when He was talking to us.  Our ears have been plugged by the enemy’s distractions and now we must focus. FOCUS.  God is calling us to focus. Quit being distracted by the enemy’s wiles. Be discerning. Watch and pray.

I AM

For some reason, this past year has been a struggle inside myself. Not sure exactly why, but old “stuff” began to surface and I had to deal with that “stuff”.  One of the great ways to deal with difficult things and even situations is to remember WHO has my future and hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you", declares the Lord and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."  Jeremiah 29:11-14

My Papa God knows me so well. He knew me before Time was created. My spirit has been with Him before my human mind even knew who He was. This makes me pause, because I feel wonderstruck. I just want to sit and be in His presence; this allows the struggles to melt away.

He knows the struggles that I have. He also knows what is best for me and allows me to make decisions for myself.  Yes, there are consequences for whatever decisions I make – good or bad. That is His gift to me and He will never take that away from me. I just need to learn from mistakes and march forward.

One morning while praying, I heard in my spirit the Lord say this to me:

I know the struggles you have.

I am your righteousness.
I am with you always.

I am your defender.

I am your provider.

I am your banner.

I am your song.

I Am.

I am the strength for your weakness.
I am the source for your needs.
I am the fire in your heart.

I am the word of Life.

I Am.

I am Alpha and Omega.

I am the Creator.

I am Father of All.

I am Love.

I Am.

I am your Peace and Shalom.

I am your Life and Light.

I am your revelation.

I am your guard.

I Am.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.
I am the Resurrection and Life.

I am the Light of the world.
I am the Good Shepherd.
I am the Bread of Life.
I am the Gate.

I am the Vine.

I Am who I Am.

The Black Cloud – Part 2: The Set Up

This took place in 2016 during a Silent Prayer retreat. It was the most impactful experience in my life up to then. This is one year after my first encounter with the Black Cloud. 

Me:  Papa God, what’s on your heart today?

Papa: We haven’t talked like this for a long while. I’ve missed this with you.  I want you to know I am not mad or angry, just a little sad. I so enjoy when you and I sit and talk like this.  You give me joy. Did you know that I long for you?

Me: (I look deep into His eyes. I see only love for me.) Papa – forgive me for not allowing you to be number 1 all the time. (He smiles) Thank you for just loving me; just the way I am in all my foibles.

Papa: I love your foibles! (laughs) They are what make you who you are. You are discovering so much more about “you” in your journey, aren’t you?

Me: Yes, I am! So many things to learn and know that I think I just shut down sometimes. So, when that happens I focus more on my busyness. Sorry. This is where I need to be on my seat of rest. I know that. Even my mind needs it and knows it. You whisper, “seat of rest” sometimes, don’t you? (I shake my head) I hear it but don’t heed it.  Then, I suffer for not going there.

Papa: Yes, and there is no need to suffer. Might I encourage you to every morning – Come up and sit with Me. Listen to what I am saying to you. I sometimes sing to you. (smiles) You seem to enjoy that.

Me:  Oh my yes!  Waking up with a song in my head – humming. I haven’t really done that in a very long while. Having you sing a melody; then me trying to figure out what that melody is – to what song and then the words – is quite a fun puzzle! The journey and then the discovery! Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with how much you love me.

Papa: I want to overwhelm you with my presence. My whole being loves you. Allow me to envelop you. Allow me to be more than a part of you. Come into Me. Stand with me as a daughter. (He pauses just for a brief moment.) It will take courage. Probably more courage than you’ve ever had before. It may seem like darkness at first, but I am there, once you step through that veiled darkness. I am there in the light waiting. Come. Please come.

(I remain quiet for a few moments, taking in all that He has just spoken.)

Me: Papa – this sounds an awful like “The Black Cloud” experience that Ian Clayton had. Is this what you are asking of me?

Papa:  Yes, daughter. It is time. Are you ready?

Me: (silent for a time. I really have to dig deep down into myself for this.)

        Yes, Papa – I am ready. If I die right here and now, I will be with you. My whole being will be with you. I want to know how to live in your Presence – fully.

Papa: So, let’s do this.  Come, daughter.  Come.

I am immediately in darkness. Swirling darkness that is all around me. It is disconcerting to my whole being. I’m not sure I want to go any farther. My mind wants to turn back. Yet, my spirit says, “no, continue forward”.

The swirling around me becomes very dense. I feel like I can’t breathe. Then, I feel heat. Yes, heat; like when you are near a huge bonfire. Get too close and you may catch fire. Yet, I feel that I need to move closer to that fire. It is beckoning to me to come closer. Inch by inch and step by step I keep moving forward. Then, I come to, what appeared like a wall of fire.  I panic.

Me: God how do I get past this!?

Papa: Walk straight through it.

Me: But PAPA!  It’s fire! It will burn me up.

Papa: I am with you.  Come.

The gentleness, yet firmness of His voice is calling to me. My spirit is jumping. My mind is racing. Do I go ahead? What if I get burned up? Well, then I will be with God forever. But, I already am. What will this do to me?

My spirit whispers, “Forward”.

God says, “Come”.

I hesitate for just a moment; just a heart check. I confess all that I can think of and repent. I stand under the Blood and mercy of Jesus.

Then…I step back. “I can’t do this!”, I argue.

But, my spirit firmly says, “Enter. Now.”

Again, I hear God’s familiar voice, “Come”.

I close my eyes. I take a very long deep breath. I take one step forward I really feel the heat from the fire now. He’s calling me into the fire!

Papa: Come. 

Me: Papa, it will burn me!

Papa: Come.

So, I take another step. At this point, I am now resolved to just go. No matter what happens. I take another step forward. Now, I feel the flames licking me. The thing is, I’m at peace. I take another step forward. I am now engulfed by the flames that surround me. I literally stand there in that fire. It is not consuming my body but consuming all the lies, all the misconceptions, all the religious teaching and burning them up. Layers upon layers all being consumed.  It is a refining fire. As I now continue to walk through this refining fire, I feel lighter. I feel freedom.

Then, all at once I am past the fire. I am standing stark naked in this place I am in and I am not ashamed. This place appears to be so brilliantly white. I can’t see well. I'm not sure if I am in a room or what.

I hear, “Welcome daughter!”

At the sound of His voice, I am overcome. I fall to my knees. I cannot bear to lift my head. I sense an angel stands next to me.  I cannot look up. I am on the "floor" prostrate.

I hear Papa's voice, “Daughter, you are always welcome here. I love you so much. Few have come, but I am happy you stayed the course and came.”

My tongue is tied because I am not able to speak. I just sigh. It is contentment, joy, love, awestruck, wonderment – so many emotions flooding through me all at once. Finally, my voice returns to me.

Me: Papa – why can’t I look at you? What can’t I stand?

Papa: Daughter, you have come farther up and farther in. This is the place where I dwell in Holiness. Few have ventured here. I call them, but either they don’t listen or aren’t interested. You, however, have always been a curious one. Your wonder and ponderings about me are good. I told my creation: If you seek Me you will find Me; IF you seek me with all your being. This is why you are here. All your life you have sought me. Now, my dearest daughter, here I Am. So, rise, my daughter – Come to Me.

I lift my head. I see His robe's hem. I feel the angel help me up. He steadies me. Then, in my full nakedness, I go to Papa. He is light. He shines beyond what I have imagined. He is also golden and light. Color surrounds Him, yet I can only perceive white until my eyes become more accustom to my surroundings.

His arms are open wide as he draws me into Himself. He hugs me. He has hugged me before, but this time, it was so much deeper. It was like wrapping the wholeness of the universe around me.  All of who He is I feel. Then we talk. Just like we have always talked. Yet, there is a newness in this. Our relationship had changed. I am closer now to Papa than I have ever been before. The intimacy is overwhelmingly wonderful.

I don’t feel naked any longer, I am clothed, clothed in His Glory. I am translucent, yet light and fire are on me, like a garment. I am breathing in His fragrance and resonating His frequency. To be honest, I have no grid for any of this, but I am here.

Papa’s shalom is always. This is Joy all around. His Love (AGAPE) enveloped everything.

Me: Papa, you are good, loving, merciful, kind. You are goodness and love wrapped into the best package. You are a good, good Papa!

Papa:  So, Sue, you asked me what was on my heart today, and I didn’t answer you… Do you know now?

Me: (Tears are streaming down my face) Yes, Papa – oh yes, I do. I love you, too! I love you!  Thank you for wooing me in. Thank you.

Just a Little Talk with Jesus

In the past year, my view on the Kingdom of God has changed even more. I don’t know how to specifically state it in words. I find that words don’t really work any longer. I spend time with Papa God. I listen to what He is saying through scripture. I go through the veil into heaven and “have a little talk with Jesus”.

Let me explain, before you think I’m completely bonkers.  When I pray, this is an intimate time I have with Papa God. I sense His presence with me as I talk with him. I have gained a deeper relationship with the Three-in-One over the last decade and more so over the past 4 years.  It is a special time for me, because I journal what transpires.

Usually, when I journal I begin with: “Papa what is on your heart today?”  I then wait for an answer. In the beginning, I would sit and wait sometimes 20 minutes.  During that time-period I think my spirit-man was trying to get through to me, but was having difficult time.  I had to train myself, so to speak, to listen and hear/perceive what God was trying to tell me.  What I learned from that is He speaks in so many ways, that is not in English!  He does, however speak in love and gentleness. There is no condemnation whatsoever. Over time, when I ask what is on His heart, the response is almost immediate. That means, immediately I have a perception of what is being told to me. Not audible, but in pictures. I guess it is more of a “knowing”. In fact, I have difficulty sometimes getting our conversations down, because the response to my question come fast and furiously. I have learned to “hear” or maybe understand His voice from my voice. It takes practice, but well worth it.

I went through a time this past Spring where my soul was not doing well.  I couldn’t figure it out. I would try and journal and talk with Papa, and got nowhere. It was like being on a desert island with my soul and it was cranky and upset. In fact, at times, my soul seemed to be vomiting all over. Junk from the past was coming to the surface.  It was hard for me to be patient with myself. I knew that God was taking me deeper into relationship with Him, and my spirit was excited to just go.  My soul, however, was not so thrilled.  Still a lot of old thought patterns and junk was hindering me from going forward. 

So, one day, I had this brilliant idea to ask my soul what was going on.  What was revealed to me was my poor soul wasn’t all onboard with what my spirit was learning.  Soul just hadn’t caught up yet, so because of that turmoil it forced me to sit in quietness with Papa.  I needed to allow my soul to feel safe and loved.  I know it sounds weird, but that’s exactly what I needed to do.  I’m sure there are other words for it, but that is what transpired prior to the following experience.

Now, about my “little talk with Jesus”. I had a general question about when Jesus had been baptized, by his cousin John. At that point, for the first time ever, I was literally thrown into a vision where I was standing by the River Jordan along the bank. There were people scattered around on the banks of the river talking and watching. John was in the middle of the river. I just knew that the person in the middle of the river was John. It was a “knowing”.  I sensed movement on the opposite side of the river. I looked up and saw Jesus come down to the river.  He was headed directly to John. He waded in and moved around the people just to get in line where John was standing.  I was quite mesmerized by the whole thing. I couldn’t hear what their personal conversation was, and at that time, I didn’t care to. I just watched. It was amazing. When Jesus came up out of the water, I did hear a thunder-like voice. I did see a dove fly down from somewhere onto Jesus’ shoulder. There, the dove remained on his shoulder as he walked out of the river up the bank to sit and dry off. Now the dove was still perched on his shoulder. It didn’t move off. I thought that was curious. Jesus then turned and looked directly at me. He smiled and winked.  I thought, “does Jesus actually see me?”   As soon as I thought that, Jesus turns to me and asks me what I thought about the baptism. I was really startled, but I took a deep breath. I let myself go with the flow and just interacted with him in conversation.  There were others mingling around listening.  It was strange, but powerful.  I was in a living scene of history with Jesus! I was having “just a little talk with Jesus” after His baptism. It was surreal yet, vivid with all the color, smells and all the other sensory inputs one has.

That was a unique experience. I may ask about another time and see what happens.  I’m a curious person, so this is up my alley.

The Molting Season

Have you ever seen a chicken or eagle or any bird really, molt?  You might ask, “What is molting?” Well, as the dictionary says:

verb (used without object)

         (of birds, insects, reptiles, etc.) to cast or shed the feathers, skin, or   the like, that will be replaced by a new growth.

verb (used with object)

             to cast or shed (feathers, skin, etc.) in the process of renewal.

Molting is rather messy.  Feathers all over the place. The birds look rather untidy.  I know because I grew up raising chickens, about 70 of them and when they molted, it was messy. However, it was a necessity for them. Their feathers lose their ability to keep water away from their skin and keep them warm.  Kind of like wearing your coat out; the outside of your coat gets all worn and thin, so then it doesn’t do what it should, like keep you warm and dry.

I am in a “molting season”.  “What?  You molt?  Sue, you don’t have any feathers.”  I know. However, it feels like my soul is in a type of molting season, like a detox-molt.  Old stuff that I have never thought of or even situations that I never thought bothered me – well, they are bothering me - really bothering me. Thus, I am irritable and a little less patient as I am working on this.

Layers upon layers of “stuff” is coming up.  My soul is “preening” the stuff off, little by little, and yet more comes up.  Once I figured out what was going on, I felt myself relax.  This really is needed.  I want to become whole and renewed.  Of course, this comes with learning about soul issues and that my man-spirit has what they call seven (7) redemptive gifts that need to be worked on and healed a bit.  It’s alright if you don’t understand.  I’m still in the process of learning and understanding all this. And by jove, I am gradually getting it!

All that and I just want to say: It is well with my soul.  Finally, after 6 decades, my soul is wanting to be whole and renewed.  That’s a good thing.  Frankly, it a messy process, with somewhat horrible added and I am not appreciating the process. But, I know the end-result will be freeing and liberating to me and probably others who are walking alongside me as I go through this.

I think having people walk with you through this type of “stuff” is most wonderful. They themselves have “gone before”, worked on their own detox-molt, and now help others. This is what the Body of Christ is for.  Instead of coming back at folks who may not be their “normal selves” with criticism - because the person going through the messy process may not even recognize it at first – stop and ask an internal question, what’s up? Then, pray for them. It really is a difficult time, yet so needed for everyone.

Papa God wants His kids whole. Jesus wants His Bride renewed and whole.  I want to be all that I know God wants me to be. Even as frustrating and messy as it is, I am submitting myself to this transformation season, because I will be flying like an eagle with a new set of wings very soon.

KINGDOM GOVERNMENT

I pondered what Jesus told me: “Your next season of learning has begun.”

You see, back in January/February 2015, I had another friend die of cancer. (That made about 5 in two years!) I had had enough. I wanted answers.  I was pretty upset. In fact, I was so upset that I was really angry at God about it.  I had prayed and prayed. Apparently my prayers don’t make a difference, or so I thought.  I railed at God, just like King David.  In that railing , I was also reminding God of how much He does loves His creation.  I kept asking God,” What is the key to all this?  There has to be a key.  What am I missing?  Please tell me!”  Well, you see, He had that key for me: Kingdom Government.

What does that mean? Well, I was soon to find out.  Two days after Jesus took me to my Mountain in heaven, I was at a conference. It was called “Deed Calls to Deep” and by the end of the week my poor head was so full.  It was at this conference I began to understand in a deeper way what Jesus had told me about my seven mountains of influence.

Let’s just say that whatever grid I had before was totally blown away by the end of the week.  As scripture was opened up to me, my spirit was starting to jump.  No butterflies whatsoever, but it was literally jumping for joy!  Everything that the conference speaker said, I listened with intensity and asking Holy Spirit for discernment - everything. 

He spoke about Kingdom Government.  How as sons and daughters of God, we are called to rule now, not when we are dead.  We all have mountains and realms of authority that we are supposed to be governing over now, not later.  He gave us so much background, not only scripture but metaphysics and other science stuff (which I sort of tuned out of, but am sure glad I got the recording).  Basically, the speaker told me the same thing that Jesus told me, but went into it in more depth.  I’m thinking that Jesus knew that this would be so overwhelming to me, so he told me ahead of time the “gist” and left the rest to be filled in.

Kingdom government is so different than what the “Church” today has in place.  In fact, what the church has in place is upside down from what it should be. I don’t wish to go into it in depth here, but suffice it to say, currently the church has it like a pyramid - top down. What Kingdom government should be like is a pyramid upside down.  We should be a reflection of Heaven, but we aren’t.

As we each step into our identity and destiny that God has for each of us, we can then begin to rule as sons and daughters of God.  That rule is taken seriously in Heaven.  Why do you think that Jesus came to earth; to just die on the cross and save us from our sins?  That is only part of it.  Remember, Jesus brought heaven to earth.

 “As you go, preach this message:

 “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” (NIV) Matt 10:7

“Your prayers, rather, should be simple, like this:

    Our Father in heaven,
        let Your name remain holy.
     Bring about Your kingdom.
    Manifest Your will here on earth,
        as it is manifest in heaven.” (The Voice)  Matt 6:9-10

Anyway, I listened and prayed.  I realized with a bit more clarity that Jesus was the living, breathing example of HOW to live here on earth.  He showed us. The New Testament is full of his examples and the examples of the disciples.  It seems that Jesus’ mandate from the Father was: to go and live as a human being. Show them how to live and what to live for. Be their example, so that they in turn can learn to do what I show you, so that the disciples in turn can continue to learn and show how my Kingdom is to be set on earth. 

Wow.  We’ve not done a good job at our part, up to this point.  It is time to change.

I also learned that when the church does function as an upside down pyramid, Heaven invades earth more easily.

Well, on the last day we had an activation exercise.  In the spirit, I received from Jesus a beautiful carved wood box with some jewels around it.  I opened it up. There was a large key ring and on it was my first key.  

My Transformation Begins

I was listening to a talk about Jesus' love.  How much He loves us and desires us.

As I listened, I closed my eyes because I didn't wish to be distracted. I felt the need to place my hand over my own heart. As I did, my hand became burning hot - not just warm. I could feel the burn, but it was good.  It hurt a bit, but it wasn't destructive.

The more the speaker spoke about how much God really loves us, how much He wants to spend time with us - my heart wanted to BURST. Tears began to well up in my eyes and then flowing down my face. I didn't care. All I wanted was to come closer to Jesus.

This is on a completely different level of relationship than in the past. It is more - I don't know - more engaging, more real.  My heart was burning; like fire - it was hot.

Yet, my whole being was at peace. I told Jesus that I give him my whole heart. I wanted to be "in" Him totally. I told him to take it. Just give me more of yourself.

I then saw in my mind, the eyes of Jesus. With tears streaming down my face, I saw Jesus' eyes looking at me with pure Love. Wow, I am undone! In those eyes were: Gentleness, Love, Desire.  I wanted to gaze into those eyes forever.

I can't really explain it:  A peace that is fully Shalom. Love as I've never really experienced before. My whole being was intertwined with Jesus as He took my heart and held it. Gently He held my heart and as He did, He poured Himself into it.

Mystical ecstacy.

 I had lost myself in Him. I knew in that moment - my transformation had begun. I can never ever turn back. 

When a Friend Goes Home

I’m really struggling today. I was informed that another friend of mine, a really good violinist who retired from the Seattle Symphony as second violin, died.  He was struggling with prostate cancer (Stage 3), and he was to go in and have some sort of surgery for his heart.  Well, he didn’t make it to surgery.

My husband and I have known him for quite a few years.  We’ve been to their home and he attended the Wednesday evening Bible Study my husband attends and sometimes leads. He's come to the picnics in the park in the summer. He was just a fun person to be around.

Well, he’s gone; my heart aches because we won’t see him or laugh with him when he tells his awful (and very funny) jokes.  I will miss his homemade Almond Roca at Christmas. I have the recipe, but he made it with passion and love for that Almond Roca and his friends.  I will miss his Trader Joe’s one pound chocolate bar he always shared. I will also miss the beautiful music he played on his violin.  He loved music.

I don’t have any regrets, except that I would have loved to have sat and talked with him one more time.  For him to be taken down so quick, it is hard to take in, especially when his surgery was only three days away!

I hate heart disease and cancer. I hate them with as much fervor has I have in my being. I ask, "why?  I prayed for him. I went to heaven’s court for him.  Why Papa?"   My spirit sits in the Garden of my Heart.  Right now there is silence.  It is that silence that gives comfort and helps me grieve.

My dear friend, you are in the presence of your Savior, Jesus.  Wow. I can imagine the joy you must have. You are once again whole and young. Play your violin for Jesus. He loves hearing you play.  I know you are at peace, now just enjoy eternity.  It's now your Season of Singing.

In memory of Wesley R Fisk.

Died 04-12-2016

He was 74

https://youtu.be/cBICeie-j9I?list=PLHPz7G7GDthOp8Il7TEqHHyol6VLxRbP0

Season of Singing

Ancient Paths

Taking Out the Garbage

I was watching the Waste Management Truck pick up our apartment complex’s garbage today. I was glad that it was gone. It can get a little smelly, even in the winter months. There was a week where the WM didn’t pick up the garbage. Boy was that awful. It was in the summer and it had been pretty HOT during the week. Some of that garbage stank really bad.

I take my regular garbage out about every 5 days or so or until my garbage sack gets full. It would be nice if the outside garbage can was more convenient, but I live on the 3^rd floor in my apartment building, and my knees don’t like going up and down those stairs all the time.  I have sometimes taken out the garbage twice in one day, especially if I have been doing a lot of deep cleaning of the refrigerator and sorting for the recycling. Cleaning out the fridge is not a fun task, because sometimes I find “things” that were forgotten.

This got me to thinking about my personal garbage I may carry around with me daily. Huh. What kind of garbage you ask?  Well, how about: gossip, slander, deceit, lies, lust, anger, unforgiveness, slothfulness, hate, fear and there are probably more. Do you realize that these are really stinky?  They are a filthy stinking aroma.  This is not what I want in my life at all.  I need to take this garbage out!

I find that “taking my garbage out” daily before the Lord is so cleansing.  I feel lighter and more refreshed.  If I leave “stuff” until later to take care of, such as unforgiveness and anger, then bitterness begins to grow.  Bitterness become like mold and mildew and can spread and get into everything; so difficult to get these out.

My life is to daily be a fragrant offering to the Lord.  This means daily coming into the Presence of God, having conversation with Him and allowing Him to show me what I need to take out to the garbage. I will tell you first hand that it is not easy to confess your faults or sin. However, God is our Father, and He is gentle in teaching us.  This concept may be difficult for some to understand, due to past experiences with an earthly dad that wasn’t gentle, but God has so much more love for us. He wants to help us, but we have to be willing to undergo those times of confessions (cleaning).

For example: I was driving to the post office one day not too long ago. I was cut off three times by people.  The first time I shrugged it off, but by the third time, I was getting a bit tiffed! I verbalized that (no, I didn’t swear) by making a derogatory remark about the drivers of the vehicles.  At that precise moment, I felt conviction from Holy Spirit. I could have argued that I was right, but deep down in my heart, I knew I wasn’t.  I immediately repented and blessed those drivers that cut me off. I blessed their day. I even prayed that the Lord would show them His love in such a way that they would stop and consider others safety. In that moment, I took the garbage out.   It didn’t have time to fester and get old and moldy.

So, I encourage you to take your garbage out daily or even hourly if you have to.  To walk in a manner worthy of the Lord is to walk with Heaven’s fragrance surrounding you. Don’t be a garbage can. Wouldn’t you want to attract butterflies rather than flies?  

Bringing Heaven to Earth - some musings

Did you know that when we praise God and worship Him we are changing the spiritual atmosphere around us?

Did you know that when we speak out something, make a declaration we are changing the spiritual atmosphere around us?

Did you know that when we curse something, I’m not talking about “ culturally bad words”, but words that speak negative toward a person, a city or a government that we add to the enemy’s arsenal?

Did you know that when we speak or declare healing and hope towards a person, a city or a government we are changing that spiritual atmosphere?

Did you know that when we pray, we don’t have to “beg” God for anything?

Did you know that we, as the sons and daughters of God, may sit on our thrones in Heaven and declare the Father’s heart?

Did you know that as we sit in REST on our thrones in Heaven, we can make a difference here on earth?

What is bringing Heaven to Earth?

It is not trying to politically oust a political party because you don’t agree with it.

It is not just sitting around and talking and complaining that “things aren’t going

 well” or “why is this or that happening”; I am helpless; I don’t have a voice.

It is not listening to the fear mongers on the TV news and then feeling helpless.

It is not talking about “Oh woe is me!”

It is not just sitting in a pew every Sunday getting fat on words, with no practical

spiritual exercise.

It is:

Learning to Love as Jesus loved others in the world.  Not just people like myself.

Being aware of who is around you and needs a smile,some food, an encouraging word or a hug.

Being willing to listen to God and not just talk so you can’t listen to what He

has to say.

Being in prayer and listening to the Father's heart, then going and doing what God said.

Standing in who you are IN Christ.

Knowing your Identity and Destiny in Christ.

Working through Heaven’s Government, rather than man’s. (It's much more economical and practical.)

This is bringing Heaven to earth.

Wisdom's Heights

Me:    Afternoon Papa. I know I haven’t spent any time with you lately like this. Forgive me. I do want and need to spend time with you. So, what is on Your heart?

Papa: (smiles) I have missed you, daughter. You light up my life. (Hugs me)  I forgive you and don’t fret. But, remember –Come to Me. You still need refreshment and R.E.S.T. (Remember: Relax, Energize, Stillness, Transformation)

Me:    (Looking up at Him)  I know. I really get distracted. I know I need to draw from Your strength and love.

Papa: Come to Me—you who are weary and heavy burdened. I will give you My Shalom.

Me:    Oh, Papa! (Pulling out of the hug) Boy do I know that! I can tell when I haven’t spent time with you. I do understand that in order to “give” I need to “receive” from you.

Papa: (laughs) Yes, I will pour into you so much each day, so that you may go and serve, teach, heal or whatever is needed. However, you must come to Me.

Me:    (sheepishly) Yes, Papa. Thank you.

Papa:  In fact, come now to the River of Life and eat from the Tree of Life. Draw refreshment there. Swim in the cool waters. Let them wash over you. Drink from the deep water. It will fill you with strength and life. Let my fruit from the Tree of Life give you refreshment. Let it nourish your soul. Come ---

          (He takes me to the river.  I jump in. Diving and splashing, floating.  Oh, and I found a pretty gem, large like Topaz-blue. I put it in my pocket. Then, I am given a cup, so I draw water and drink. My whole being is refreshed. Then, after I get out I’m taken to the Tree of Life. I get to choose my fruit. It’s bright yellow and when I bite into it, --WOW—sweet, savory all at once. The flavors can’t be described really. Beyond the flavors, there is a filling inside I’ve not really experienced before. I feel more alive than I have been in a long time. No aches and pains in my body. I feel fully aligned. Then, Papa takes me to this road. We’ve walked along this path before.)

Me:    Papa, where are we going?  I recognize this path.

Papa: (He smiles) You’ll see. I want to you to meet someone.

(So we walk on this ancient path. It’s really beautiful as I remembered with its

 rolling hills and the path is worn, but very easy to walk on.)

Papa:  (Stops)  Sue, this is a special place. There is someone I wish you to meet.

(Then this person "a woman" appears.)

          This is Wisdom. Wisdom, this is Sue. It is time Wisdom, for you to teach her.

Me:    (totally dumbfounded in silence)

Wisdom: Hello, my dear. I’ve been waiting to meet you. (Smiles)

(There’s a “wholeness” about her. She really shines,)

Me:    (I look at Papa and He gives an encouraging nod.)  I’m honored to meet you, Wisdom. (I curtsy. You see, I’m dressed in my clothes of heaven and it’s a formal dress!)

Wisdom: Come, let’s go up to the Heights. I wish to show you some things.

Me:    Alright. (I turn and look at Papa. He’s grinning from ear to ear.)

Papa:  Enjoy your time.  (He waves and I wave back.)

(So, Wisdom and I go up to the Heights. You can see EVERYTHING. It’s a different perspective.)

Wisdom: Come. Let us sit here a while. 

Me:    Alright.

(So, we sit quite comfortably where we can see below.  It’s quite high up, but you can’t feel that. Wisdom's voice was so calming and sweet.)

Wisdom: (She waves her hand) Look Sue, what do you see?

Me:    (I look to where her hand points.)  Well, I see beauty. I see wholeness. Wisdom, I do see my mountains. They are still covered with demons. (Looking closer) Well, not as many as there were when I first came.

Wisdom: True. You are doing well. One thing that needs attention is your learning the proper ways to engage heaven. Actually, you have learned well thus far, so please just know you are to learn even more. (Smiles)

Me:    (puzzled) Wisdom, are you speaking of my going and engaging the Mobile Court?

Wisdom: Yes, However, you have engaged the Court of Nations and that is a high level court. Not all who wish to enter may. You and your group are highly favored. We have waited a long time for the activation for you and your group.

          There is much work to be done. Your region has many nations that need reconciliation. This must be done. Where you live in particular, those dragons must be defeated. However, now is not the time. There is prep work that needs to be done.

Me:    Prep work?  Like what?

Wisdom: You need to have your bench of three secure. Then, your council must begin identifying what needs to be brought before the court. What has caused the divisions? Are there curses? Where and when did they originate? Each member must have input. Then, you need to write up your petition that will be presented to the court. This will take some time, but we cannot tarry any longer. It is time to take the Region back for the High King’s domain.

Me:    Alright. Are the others being told this as well?

Wisdom: Yes. You will bring it up at your council meeting.

Me:    Okay. Is there anything else?

Wisdom:  No.  Not at this time.  I sense your apprehension. Do not fret. I will guide you and the council members. (Again, her voice is so calming and reassuring.)

Me:    Thank you Wisdom. You know, this is so far off my known grid—but I’m recognizing that most all Kingdom work is off the grid!  (Wisdom smiles very knowingly.)  So, may I come to you when I have a question?

Wisdom:  Of course.  I can give you direction. This is what I do. (smiles)

Me:    Thank you, Wisdom. So, until next time.

(I get up from where we had been sitting.  I curtsy once more to Wisdom and begin walking back to where Papa was. I see He is waiting for me.)

Papa:  (I can see he is waiting in anticipation.) So, how did it go?

Me:    I was a bit overwhelmed.  Wisdom shines so bright and she was so kind to explain things. Oh, and I am to go to her if I have questions.

Papa: (BIG smile and a hug)  Good!  So—through this you will be learning much. Remember, we are here to help, guide and provide for you.

Me:    (I smile and hug him back,) Thanks.